ellenaamiremeralld

What slowly made me happy, was understanding and the fact that I finally put my past at ease.

I finally made the effort I was waiting for, for so many years. The love I was searching for, the love I was looking for was finally upon me. Now that I found the strenght I needed I was more then happy to put the angry side of my character behind me. I am still working on it but am so much more happy to see that the real change of my personallity is upon me. 

Thank you so much.

i am inside of you if you know what i mean...

inside your track of mind.. you ought to belive...

tracking your time of stealing nerve... from me..

now you are to dissapear...

...now we are assaiance to be...

loumnny for time in me...

it matter does niey..

appart, for forever together to live..

few years on from my first memory, i remember watching music video...

the music video i remember that got to me, was from an singer that i can't remember...

i saw it when i was at my grandparents house on a countyside...

i stayed there every summer for a few years in a row till i started going to school...

i still can't remember the song, but what got to me was that i comprehended it as a gentle, slow and nice

music...   what i remember about the video is the room it was shown, the color of the room and the figure of her...

the color of room and the curtains that i remember in the video was blue...

i'm not sure of the song's title nor the name of her,  but later i figured out or at least i connected the singer

and her figure to another song and video...

that song stayed in my mind untill today... so i think it is my first memory of a music and a singer i remember...

the song is "gloria" from "laura brannigan"

my earliest memories of what i occupied myself with, to make the uncomfort i was experiencing easiyer, from  the first day that i remember
 was interacting to music...

...at age of sixteen, i didn't realise the extent and consequence of my spiritual breaking down, that was about to be brought upon my life from that year on...

what followed my spiritual breaking down next, was my emotional destruction procces which took a little longer...

 after this two processes merged and became fully stabilized,  a new process became undergoing...

            then started breaking down of my mind

 this slowlly  merged with another procces of my breaking down: my body's slowlly destruction...

                                   this four stages of my underlying was not possiblle in as such a short of period of time, as my parents, my familly and the rest of our closer community desired...

i didn't realise then, why was i to be faced with this circumctance...

  i expected to evolve and continue the way i was growing up and belived i was to upgrade and evolve my abillity to learn, interact, develop more physical skills and other...

                         my addiction became, as a response to my, then called, parents's behaviour's upbringings method...

                                                                                                             ...the  pain

explaining of what underlies my inner reallity, that is source of my emotional and spiritual

strengthening of nerves...

                                                  ...intro...

...this is my first expressing of  deep physical, emotional and spiritual undergoing in my soul, mind and body

which evolved as a result of circumstances, that people in my surroundings put me through...